Thoughts on Theatricality.
I am quite worried about imbuing a certain degree of theatricality into this performance, like camp theatricality I mean. I feel like the tear away reveal is an important part of the queer shame experience I worry that it’s over used though. Like, the one way to come to be okay with shame in those instances seems like pushing in the opposite direction. Like if I can be as showy and camp and glittery as possible the pain and self-loathing will miraculously catch on fire and burn away.
I kind of want to push against that as the only way to address shame. I also worry that these direct theatrical reveals will leave an audience in the position where they must feel better and changed by this experience. I don’t want that. I want there to be a potential for some to get some kind of change out of it. But I don’t want that to be a forced part of the work. That’s not okay. I’m setting up an emotional structure (perhaps for someone who has experienced it already) and I want it to have levels of interest but I don’t want a clear way out. I don’t have answers, I have questions.
I think this is maybe where the EKS quote about the ecstasy of review comes into this. Perhaps the way to make this work shift is by getting a bit more erotic with it? That word blush seems so important at the moment. Its both a moment of embarrassment and excitement. There is that in the song Total Control too. And there was that element of going on a date in the work from the beginning. Perhaps it’s a valent sensuality… The reflux of the blush of shame. I want to hold onto that feeling.
